Futzing to Freedom
nowhere to everywhere
dear creators,
You know those times when you set out to make something and then totally stall-out on what to start with? I know I’ve written about this already on several occasions but, yesterday, this is where I found myself again! My mind wanted to conjure all kinds of excuses or reasons why this was happening but I immediately Donkey Kong punched that reaction in me—there’s no answer to be found there.
The other impulse that I had to kick away was the one that had me glancing over at my phone to scroll other artists and their work. Personally speaking, I never find what I need in someone else’s work— and if I’m in a bog, I’ll just end up spending all of my time in distraction looking at amazing art (a fine thing to do for pleasure on another occasion).
I opted for wandering in the rain toward Cinecenta Munchie Bar for a coffee. On the way there I came across a large mound of concrete rubble that had just been jack hammered. After I claimed my coffee (priority) and dropped it off in the studio, I made my way back to the construction site to make off with some debris.
My arms were pretty much useless after this so I ended up just sitting quietly staring at the floor where a bunch of obscure items I had scored at a weekend rummage sale lay scattered about. Without a thought, I sat down with these various metal objects and started banging on them with a chopstick (from dinner) and some wood doweling (see below).
I was just taking in all the tones with sometimes orderly but mostly erratic rhythms. I have no idea how long I made this noise but when I eventually stood up, my butt was asleep and I knew what I wanted to make.
It’s too early to reveal what that is, but I can tell you that it looks like it had nothing to do with all the events leading up to it. So what was all that futzing around about? I’ll probably never know for sure but I wonder if it has something to do with totally giving in to being lost when I feel at a loss. This includes losing my sense of self. It’s like, okay I’m nobody and there’s nothing I can do so I may as well do nothing— except that the ‘nothing’ requires bodily movement or action of some kind.
Futzing, putzing, puttering, tinkering…these are all activities that engage a very relaxed attention without any particular aim or intention for results. Unless, that is, you intend to be freed from stubbornly flooring the gas pedal while getting no traction and sinking deeper into the muck. Then it’s time to turn the engine off, sigh deeply, get out of the car and stroll up the road so you can cut through a meadow or maybe jump in a river.
Setting up an expectation to make something sometimes comes from a pressured space of order or maybe a sense of control that instigates an inward lockdown. In my experience the ideal path out of this is to playfully enter chaos without getting bent on a clear path forward. Any sense or order that comes after this isn’t something I need to try for; it’s as if it happens on its own.
So much of my dithering in life comes down to this wise expression:
GET OVER YOURSELF
And that can feel like a gopher mound or the moon depending on the context and the day.
May you all find freedom in futzing,
~Corrie
“I am free and that is why I am lost.” ~ Franz Kafka
Free from all thoughts of ‘ I’ and ‘mine’, a person finds absolute peace. ~The Bhagavad Gita